Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
