I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
