Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
