Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
