This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
