I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
