So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
