How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
