Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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