Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
