Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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