it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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