Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
