Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
