Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
