I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
