walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
