so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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