Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
