just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
