Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
