You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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