and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
