I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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