Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
