I hate your face
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
