She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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