I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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