I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
