Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
