You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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