I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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