i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
