just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
