May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
