are you so shy because you have an std?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
