A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
