he shaved USA in his pubs
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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