i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just google imaged poop.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
