hotel room ftw
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
