she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
