Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
