Just cropdusted the office
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
