literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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