Even water is tasting like jack daniels
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
