my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
