Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
