She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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