In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
