airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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