Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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