do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just pee around me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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